A Very Sesshoumaru Pregnancy
by Kanna37
Summary: Every woman since Eve has wished that her male would know what it was like to suffer through a pregnancy. Kagome's wish for the same is going to be granted... lucky, lucky her.
1. Ignorance is Bliss

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Inuyasha.

A/N: This is going to be a short outtake type serial derived from my Second Place, Either Way Universe, which is posted in my It's a Dog's World collection on Dokuga, and under its own name on FF. Thanks to the genius that is r0o, a mention of enjoying seeing Sesshoumaru suffer through the ills of Kagome's pregnancy in her review of the final chapter to that story led me to decide to try my hand at writing such a comedy. I hope we all enjoy the very wild and definitely ridiculous ride! Be warned... expect OOC, because a hormonal and over-emotional Sesshoumaru is definitely OOC. But then again, pregnancy made me really act OOC, too – it made me be nice to people. O_O

**Chapter 1: Ignorance is Bliss**

SKSKSKSKSK

Sesshoumaru strode through the halls of his palace, pleased with himself and with life. Finally, with the death of the old ball and chain, Tamiko, everything had fallen into place for him just as it always should - and would, of course.

His fractured mating to Kagome had healed, and now the last thing that had been holding up his vision of his perfect life had gone the way of Tamiko and become just as extinct – Kagome's refusal to bear him a pup.

She'd had good reasons, and he knew this. She'd explained what would have happened had she borne him a child as second mate, only to have her birth time roll around – again. Or for the first time... he pushed that thought away. Time was an annoying and confusing thing, and since it did not affect him any longer he didn't care to think about time and how it could have taken her away from him.

At any rate, when Kagome had come to their bed last night and agreed to give him a child, he'd sworn to her that she would be pupped by morning's light – and his word was still bond because lo and behold, as soon as he'd woken her scent was simply laden with new life.

But while that knowledge was enough to make him grin madly – inwardly, of course - for the next millennium, he realized something – he knew next to nothing about pregnancy and birthing. When Tamiko had carried his heir he'd cared nothing for her as long as she'd delivered him a living son, so he'd never spoken to the midwives here in the palace about what to expect.

Kagome was a different story altogether. He wanted to know everything that was about to happen – because he wanted to be a part of it as much as he possibly could. So he'd sent his little mate on ahead to the palace healer's rooms where the midwives would also be, so that he could give orders to his personal servant on a surprise gift for his mate before joining her.

Now that was done he was heading for Kagome and the head midwife with alacrity. He even pondered briefly on whether or not it would offend his dignity and damage his reputation were he to run. After a moment's thought, though, he regretfully decided that such an action would, indeed, bend his cold and deadly reputation just a little too out of shape for it to remain intact. No, despite his impatience, it was better to walk. Though there was nothing saying he couldn't walk _fast._

By the time he arrived in the lower levels of the palace where the healer's rooms were, Kagome was already chatting quite amiably with the elder inuyoukai female who'd been the midwife here since before he was born, a happy smile on her face and her aura peaceful and content. It made him purr inside, and he simply watched her for a moment, enjoying the feeling surging through their bond before he moved to join them and their discussion.

"Oh! That was quick, Sesshoumaru," Kagome exclaimed, surprised he had arrived so soon. She was fairly certain that he had to have been close to running to get there that quickly after she did, but knowing his pride in his icy and deadly reputation she decided not to ruin it for him, and let it slide. She turned to the midwife, and said, "So, we were wondering on what to expect now that I'm pregnant. What can you tell us?"

At that, the midwife glanced at Sesshoumaru and chuckled, knowing he had _no idea_ of what he was in for. If he had, he wouldn't have been so eager to pup his mate.

She was looking forward to the coming months being _very_ entertaining.

"Well, you will carry for four months, my Lady. But those four months will not be anything like a normal human pregnancy in any way. You see, since your mate is an inuyoukai you will have a relatively easy pregnancy," she said.

Kagome smiled, happy to hear that the pregnancy would be easier than normal. She'd heard enough horror stories from her mother and some of her mother's friends that she'd been fairly wary about the coming months. "So... then what can I expect?"

Another chuckle wheezed out of the old inu female, and she shook her head. "Oh, it isn't you that has to worry about what to expect – it's your mate here."

Sesshoumaru frowned at that. "Explain yourself, old woman," he demanded, uncertain now as her unseemly humor began to make him just a tad nervous.

"When an inuyoukai's mate gets pupped the male's bestial side, wishing to be a part of the experience and also to care for his mate and keep her calm and happy, uses his bond to siphon off the unpleasant parts of the pregnancy," she replied, eyeing him knowingly. "It's completely instinctual, and you won't be able to stop it."

Kagome blinked, then blinked again. "Wait, wait, wait... you mean, _he's_ the one that's going to get the pregnancy symptoms?" she asked, needing to be absolutely sure that's what was going to happen before she fell over laughing. Every woman since Eve had wished her male could experience the hell that pregnancy was... and she was actually going to get the chance for that to happen.

Life was just too, too good.

"Indeed," the midwife answered. "Inu are very protective of their females, after all, are they not, Sesshoumaru-sama? Are you not devoted to the protection of your mate – from anything that would make her unhappy or harm her in any way?"

Beginning to feel cautious but not certain why Sesshoumaru eyed her through narrowed, frigid gold eyes, but her bland expression gave nothing away, and so he answered her question reluctantly. "Of course I would do such. She is mine to protect," he answered, still suspicious.

Eyes wide and glassy, Kagome slapped a hand over her mouth as she valiantly tried not to burst into mad laughter at the visual that slammed into her mind with all the force of a ten-ton semi going seventy miles an hour... but, oh, it was so _hard! _

Definitely cautious now, Sesshoumaru glanced at his mate, who now had tears running down her face as she basically tried to suffocate herself to keep the laughter inside – he could tell that glassy expression was because she was imagining something that he was sure he would find very, very wrong and damaging to his dignity as an inuyoukai Lord of great power and refinement. He scowled at her.

"Tell me, then... what are the symptoms of pregnancy?" he asked, beginning to think he really _didn't _want to know and that he should have stayed out of a subject that was usually confined to the womenfolk. _Perhaps human males have the right of it, staying as far from 'women's matters' as they can get?_

The midwife blandly eyed him, though she was very aware of the Lady's inner laughter, she managed to keep a straight face as she answered his query. "Well, one of the first signs will come within a few days of conception – nausea, usually in the morning hours. That can oftimes be cleared up with a simple tea and unleavened bread before rising for the day."

Sesshoumaru frowned just slightly as he thought about that. _Nausea, while unpleasant, I can easily ignore and go about my business. Maybe this will not be as bad as I had begun to fear. _"Go on," he encouraged.

The old female nodded. "As the babe grows in the womb, there will be the urge to relieve oneself more frequently than normal," she continued, knowing that her Lord was beginning to think that it would all be fairly easy to handle. An old woman with a wicked sense of humor, she decided to leave the worst for last. With a glance at her Lady, she could see that Kagome-sama knew what she was doing, and would not give her away.

"Pay attention, old woman, and finish explaining, for I grow impatient. Speak!" he practically growled as she paused again. He ignored the elbow to his side with a sort of grand indifference, not looking down at his little mate as he tried to glare the elderly servant into submission.

She simply shook her head, not impressed. She had been the one to deliver him, after all, and somehow, being the first one to see a being naked, red-faced, and squalling after smacking them in the ass kind of took the fear out of a person. "There will be some weight gain as well, as her body grows in support of the babe. You might also find yourself craving odd things. That is normal, and all a part of being with child."

"Weight gain," he echoed. "Hn." _That is annoying, but can be taken in stride. I will just spend a little extra time in the dojo to compensate. _"Anything else?" he queried evenly, knowing there had to be for his mate to still be trying so hard _not_ to laugh.

The elderly woman frowned thoughtfully, playing the forgetful old woman to perfection as her Lord began to quietly fume, and then said, "Oh, yes, I almost forgot. Mood swings. Expect mood swings, my Lord. Lots of them. It's the humors in her body changing to make her able to carry a child and birth it," she said, smiling almost absently up at him. "It affects the emotions, making them change rapidly from happy to sad to angry and back again – sometimes within seconds."

"Mood... swings?" he gritted, inwardly horrified as Kagome finally gave up the fight and burst out laughing almost hysterically. "This Sesshoumaru can assure you addled females that his mood will not... _swing. _And this one will also not be affected by something as petty as _emotions," _he snapped as he drew himself up, very much on his dignity. "It is ridiculous that you should think of such things-" he glanced at his mate with irritated eyes, "-as 'feelings' having any hold on this one at all."

Unable to stop her giggling, Kagome was by now holding her sides as she frantically drew air into starved lungs. Her mate was not impressed – especially as he took note of all the interested gazes around the room trying to act as though they weren't listening in.

"Come, mate. We will retire from this room, since it seems to be having a most detrimental affect on you. It appears to this one that you are already prey to these so-called 'mood swings', so I have no need to fear such myself," he said, growling low in his chest to establish the fact that he was still the killing perfection and that if anyone saw fit to laugh besides his mate, he would definitely take pleasure in running his claws through them.

Kagome watched him closely as they left the midwife behind, taking note of his seriously offended dignity. She would need to be particularly affectionate this evening to soothe that irritation, but she had no problems with that.

All of a sudden, he turned to her with an almost manic grin – the one that people always flinched from because it usually meant someone was going to die – and said, "A pup, Kagome! We will have a pup! I cannot wait to hold her. Perhaps we should begin thinking of names, yes? I myself am partial to Yuzukiko.* Have you thought of any names? And we should prepare a room for the pup, as well. No flowers and cute little animals, though, mate, I will not tolerate such. She will be bright and fierce, not gentle and... _cuddly_," he finished with an expression of distaste, not noticing the wary expression now on his mate's face.

Before he could say another word – though she wondered how he'd gotten all that out without even breathing in the first place, especially as he'd never been one to speak much – she took his arm gently and headed back towards the midwife's room with one question.

"Is hyperactivity and verbal diarrhea a part of pregnancy, too?"

SKSKSKSKSK

*Yuzukiko-superior moon child


	2. An Introduction to Heaving

**Chapter 2: An Introduction to Heaving**

For several days after their meeting with the midwife Sesshoumaru was very wary, waiting for some of these decidedly unpleasant side effects of pregnancy to begin to take effect. And for several days, nothing happened.

As time went by and nothing seemed to be bothering either Kagome or himself, he began to lose his concern – because it could _never_ be called fear, of course – that any of those unpleasant things were going to be a problem. Perhaps Kagome just wouldn't suffer from any side effects, thereby ensuring that _he_ would not?

Whatever the reason, he was happy that so far nothing had happened and as he woke on the morning of the fifth day after her pregnancy was scented, he stretched, pleased with life and perfectly convinced of his own superiority as well as his mate's.

At first he did not notice the strange feeling that was slowly gaining momentum within him, too busy gloating in his own mind about how his mate was so much better than anyone elses. But within moments it gained enough clout to smack him over the head, and suddenly he wasn't gloating so much as he could feel the blood draining from his face.

Beginning to panic as he thought that something must be wrong with his mate he made to turn over in the bed to shake her awake and ask her, only to suddenly wish that he hadn't moved as that feeling intensified and he moaned, unable to keep the unseemly sound from breaking free of his throat. He felt a strange clenching feeling in his abdomen, and that was all she wrote for him – the next thing he knew he was shaking his mate awake with a very funny, but familiar – at least to Kagome – look on his face.

She took one look at him and knew right away what was going on, and was hard put to keep her laughter in. This was _so_ much better than waking up with morning sickness herself!

Before she could speak, he groaned, holding his stomach. With the most pitiful look she'd ever seen on him, he asked, "Mate, what is wrong? Why am I feeling thus? Is the pup in good health?"

At that she couldn't help it, she chuckled. "Yes, the baby's okay. Did you forget already what the midwife told us? This is called morning sickness, and the reason your belly is heaving the way it is is because it's trying to send back up the last thing you ate."

He blanched even further at that, which did not help his case any. _Perhaps I should remove myself from her vicinity if I am going to bring back up my last meal, then. I would not want her to get angry when she realizes what that last meal was..._

Kagome had gotten up to call a servant, telling them to fetch some tea and the crackers she'd shown the palace cook how to make the other day. When Sesshoumaru once more focused on her, she sank into a crouch near him and smoothed his hair back over his clammy brow. Smiling sympathetically at him, she said, "I've got the tea and crackers coming, love, it'll be just a few minutes. Try not to move around, as that will only make things worse, and I'll go fetch a bucket for you just in case."

He moaned pathetically and she took that as acceptance of her words as she giggled behind her hand at his predicament and went to fetch said bucket. _Heh, that'll teach him to eat all the sweets I made yesterday. I bet he thinks I don't know what he ate for 'dinner' last night... _"Here you go, love, and here's the tea and crackers just now," she said as she beckoned the servant in and directed her to put the tray on the floor next to him. She'd given orders that water for tea was to be kept hot at all times, knowing that soon enough morning sickness was going to kick in. It was just his luck that he would get his first bout the morning after eating a weeks worth of after-dinner treats in one go.

She moved to help him sit up and put a bunch of pillows behind him to support him as he retched again, whining like a little lost pup as he fought valiantly to keep his ill-gotten last meal down. Once he was settled and no longer heaving, for the moment, anyway, she gave him the cup of tea. "Small sips, love, and take a cracker and nibble on it slowly."

"But it tastes so plain," he whined as he did as told, and she couldn't help but laugh at his behavior. No person who'd ever faced the indomitable Sesshoumaru across a battlefield would ever believe that this was the same deadly being whining and moaning like a baby.

"Oh," she said, her smile knowing, "I'm sure it does... compared to all the goodies you sneaked and ate last night. But I can guarantee you that this will work much better to keep your stomach where it belongs than all those sweets did."

His sheepish expression quickly disappeared and he tried to give her his patented glare of death. But it just didn't seem to have the same... _effect..._ that it normally would when his face was whiter than snow and he was fighting to keep his insides, well... inside.

After making sure that he was settled comfortably and eating his crackers with his tea like a good little daiyoukai, she grabbed some clothing and took herself off for a bath, feeling energetic and ready to face the day. She thought of saying a prayer of gratitude to the kami that she was mated to an inu and would never have to suffer for being pregnant. What a blessing it all was... though _he_ was most certainly not thinking the same thing, she was sure.

Several hours later she headed for her mate's study knowing that was where he would be, since there had been a minor diplomatic crisis going on that he had been deeply involved with. He and the Northern Lord had been trying to keep the south and east from breaking out in a war that would drag the west and north into it, too. He was too busy with his mate to want to worry about anything foolish like a pointless war, and so for once had actually been advocating for peace.

However, when she arrived at his study she didn't feel him anywhere in the vicinity, and slid the door open to make sure she wasn't off for some reason, only to find the room as empty as her senses were telling her it was. With a frown, she stopped a passing servant.

"Has anyone seen Sesshoumaru?" she asked, and the servant bowed before informing her that he had not appeared at breakfast, nor had he been seen at all that day. Becoming concerned she headed back to their rooms, wondering if he'd ever gotten out of bed.

When she slid the door open to their rooms she almost fell over at the stench. Worried eyes met miserable gold ones across the room as she headed straight for him. As she arrived at his side, she quickly took note of the reason for the smell.

A very full bucket... of what smelled like regurgitated honey mixed with stomach acid. The smell almost made her pass out, and calling for a servant, she immediately opened the doors into the gardens to let some air in. The first unlucky servant to appear had a bucket of yuck shoved at them. "Get rid of this, rinse the bucket out and return it, and have someone else bring me some more tea and crackers immediately." The cringing and green-faced servant nodded and left the room practically at a run, determined to get his chore done as soon as possible and get back to his room so he could be sick, too.

Within minutes of the servant's departure the room was overrun by worried servants and an angry Jaken, wondering what could possibly be wrong with their Lord – youkai don't get sick, and especially not daiyoukai like Sesshoumaru. Kagome did her best to calm the noise down, but wasn't meeting with much luck – until the palace midwife walked in, calm as a sweet summer breeze.

She made some kind of high piercing noise and immediately everyone fell silent, turning to look at her. With an arthritic bent to her back and a crotchety scowl, she shuffled over towards the very irritated Sesshoumaru and shook her head. "Listen up," she said over her shoulder. "Sesshoumaru-sama is fine – but Kagome-sama is pupped, and you all know what that means. Now disappear before he gets angry and decides he doesn't need that many servants, after all."

The relieved murmurings of the servants faded as they left to return to their duties – until one of them remembered Sesshoumaru's father's reactions when Izayoi had carried her pup – and then several of them began to think it might be a good time to retire. The mood swings had nearly depopulated the palace, and those who _had_ survived weren't sure they wanted to test chance a second time.

When Sesshoumaru heard the midwife's voice, though, he growled and opened his eyes to look up at her. "This one should kill you now for the lies you spoke to him, wench," he snarled – before turning to grab the once more clean bucket and bending over it with a whimper.

Waiting patiently for him to finish, the midwife asked, "And what lie was that, my Lord?" while she continued to poke and prod at him to make sure he truly was only suffering from nausea.

He growled at her as she pressed on his stomach – _she's tempting fate by doing that... if she doesn't stop she'll be wearing the contents of my stomach... _"You said I would suffer from nausea, and that crackers and tea would fix the problem. But you did not mention anything like this!" He turned to glare at his mate. "And you! You called this 'morning sickness' – I distinctly remember you doing so."

Kagome's brow shot into her bangs at his querulous tone, and biting back more laughter she asked, "And?"

His eyes narrowed as he blanched again, and then he pointed out the open doors and up at the sky. "It is no longer morning, woman, and I am still sick!" he almost shouted, which simply had the effect of making him even whiter. He turned pathetic eyes on the midwife. "Is there nothing else that can get rid of this infernal sick feeling?"

The midwife shrugged her shoulders cheerily. "Anti-nausea tea. It will help, but you've got it bad so I don't think you're going to get rid of it entirely, even with the tea."

Almost looking like he wanted to cry, he whimpered for a moment before sucking it up and regaining his control... somewhat. "How long will I suffer with this?" he asked, with restraint he was proud of. Under normal circumstances he would be beheading people right about now. But the very thought of blood and guts flying around made him feel sicker than ever and he subsided back onto his pillows with a groan, determined to stay in this room and hide until the pup was born – otherwise his enemies would think he'd gone soft – hiding from the thought of blood and guts. No proper youkai would _ever_ think such an unseemly thing as wishing the evidence of combat to perdition.

"Dunno. Could be just one day, could be right up until the pup is born. There's no way to tell. Sorry," she finished gleefully, which apology everyone could tell was insincere. But Sesshoumaru, too drained by his bout of morning – or all day – sickness, as the case may be, decided to simply keep a mental tally of everything he went through during the pregnancy, and all those who'd taken amusement out of it. Once he was back to his normal homicidal self he would take great pleasure in teaching them all why it wasn't funny to laugh at a daiyoukai with a very bad temper – especially when he was sick.

But the first one to get it...

He turned to the midwife and said, "You will remind this Sesshoumaru once the pup is born to kill you for misinforming this one as to what to expect during pregnancy."

The old woman just snorted. "Hm... you know, your father said the same thing when his second mate was pregnant with her whelp. But in case you hadn't noticed, I'm still here. Once that pup is born you won't care about anything else, believe me."

"Or perhaps I will simply bring the pup with me," he snapped before leaning over the bucket again with a groan as a grinning Kagome held back his hair. "It will be her first time witnessing a kill, and she will be sharing it with her sire. Such a thing is always a good bonding experience between pup and sire."

He wasn't prepared for the smack to the back of his head as an irate Kagome glared at him. "My daughter will not be exposed to a kill until she's at least two hundred!" she gritted, glaring at him with deadly eyes. "Are we clear, Sesshoumaru?"

"Do not tell me what I can and cannot do with _my_ pup, woman! _I _am the one doing all the suffering to bring this pup into the world, so what I say goes!" he snarled back at her. Still growling even as he felt another wave of nausea come on, he fell silent when Kagome fell over laughing so hard that she started crying while the midwife looked on with a definitely amused look in her eyes.

"What is so damn funny?" he sniffed, insulted.

The midwife met his eyes and let him in on the joke. "In normal pregnancies, ones where the woman is the one to go through all the suffering, that is a common statement from them to their mates. That is why Kagome-sama is laughing like a hyena youkai. Almost every woman since the dawn of time has wished that their male would have to suffer through a pregnancy so they would know just how hard it is on a body – and Kagome-sama is lucky enough to get just what every other female on earth would kill for."

She shook her head and poked the still-laughing Kagome, and when the woman looked up at her she handed her a pouch of tea. "Since his majesty over there is suffering so badly, I have upped the strength of the anti-nausea tea a great deal. Have the servants bring a cup of boiling water and let it steep with one portion of the mixture in this pouch until it has cooled. Then have him drink it. It will greatly diminish the need to heave."

Kagome nodded, still giggling, and the midwife took herself out of the room, chuckling as she shuffled along at her slow pace. Oh, yes, the next four months promised to be very entertaining, indeed.

She would bet almost everything she owned that after this he would not be asking for another pup.

A wave of fierce youki flared down the hall, followed by another wave of misery and the sharp, unpleasant stench of stomach acid, and she chuckled again.

At least not for a very, _very_ long time.


	3. Swollen Feet and Temper Tantrums

**Chapter 3: Swollen Feet and Temper Tantrums**

Feeling a bit lethargic and not really wanting to get up for the day Sesshoumaru sighed wearily from his spot wrapped around his mate, hoping that the nausea would be kept at bay by the so-called miracle medication she still had in her bag. The only downside was that there was not much of it left – he could only hope that it lasted long enough to get him through this horrible morning sickness. That was why he was alternating it with the anti-nausea tea the midwife had given them, only taking the medicine on days the sickness was uncontrollable by any other means.

He growled slightly as Kagome shifted in the bed, hoping to keep her asleep for a while longer – so he could also sleep for a while longer. His body felt heavy and unresponsive this morning, and it was almost a struggle to make it move to his commands. He got his wish as his little mate snuffled lightly into his chest and then dropped back into a deeper sleep, unknowingly dragging her uncomfortable and moody mate with her.

However, sleeping in very much wasn't often allowed in the daiyoukai's home, and soon enough several children were clamoring for the adults to get up and start the day. The moment that Sesshoumaru's stunning golden eyes opened, Kagome knew it wasn't going to be a good day.

While he was the one seemingly going through all the symptoms he was making life miserable for her, so she was almost beginning to wish his inner bestial side would let go and let her have her symptoms back completely. She'd managed to siphon some of her symptoms back already, because dealing with a whiny, grouchy, nauseous, frigid bitch was beginning to get on her nerves.

It was actually worse than having the symptoms herself.

If it kept up she'd go live with Sango for a while – at least until the baby was born.

The whole thing did make her think, however... it certainly gave her insight into what the male half of a normal pairing went through during a woman's pregnancy. She shuddered.

With a resigned sigh she turned to look at him as he stirred reluctantly behind her, and her brow rose at the irritated growl that thrummed through the air the moment his eyes opened.

"What are you growling at?" she asked, not sure whether to laugh or just get up and leave as fast as her slightly swollen feet would carry her.

Shockingly, his cheeks actually reddened though he continued to glare heatedly at the windows... the windows that were letting in an abundance of overly-cheerful light. Light that meant that he would have to get up. Like... right now.

She decided that laughter was appropriate here – as well as making tracks out of there and she did just that, snatching her robe up and heading off to take a dip in the baths, gone before her surly mate could even roll over and sit up.

Still growling, Sesshoumaru sat up and then began his newest morning ritual – getting from the futon to his feet. It took a few minutes and more effort than something like that ever should. But finally he managed, and with that steady, irritated growl still thrumming in his chest, he began to get dressed for the day.

Everything went fine – until he went to wrap his obi, and he frowned down at the familiar piece of cloth with confusion – why did it not lay like it was supposed to? The ends were supposed to reach a certain point on his hakama, and they didn't. It almost looked as though it were... shorter than usual. Which was ridiculous. Oh, not that it was _that_ much smaller, but it was noticeable – to him, anyway. He scowled and patted it into place as close to normal as possible with its oddly shrunken length.

Maybe someone in the palace was playing a prank on him by switching his sash with one he'd worn when much younger?

And as if that weren't bad enough, for some reason his tabi were tight on his feet – and when he went to put his boots on, they absolutely refused to fit, resisting every effort to get them on. By this time he was ready to blow.

Unfortunately for Kagome, she just happened to come back into the room right at that most inopportune time, and received an earful.

Eyes wide, she watched the distraught inuyoukai begin spewing colorful language, throwing things, and - horror of all horrors - whining like an upset pup as those dreaded mood swings hit with a vengeance. She was literally rooted to the floor at the spectacle, only finding herself again when she heard someone knock on the shoji.

Hurrying over to it, hoping it was a servant she could send for the midwife she slid the door open and surprisingly, in walked that very person, watching the daiyoukai's histrionics with an interested eye.

"Well, I see the mood swings are hitting quite hard this morning, my Lord. What has you whining so loud that the whole palace can hear it?" she asked, taking note that Kagome was staying well out of the way. She chuckled inwardly. _Smart girl._

"Someone in the palace has a death wish," he gritted, finally throwing his boot against the wall in a snit. "They have tampered with my obi, switching my normal one out for a smaller version, and my boots, as well!"

Kagome blinked, then frowned. "How would they do that, Sesshoumaru? They'd have to have some kind of money to buy a pair of your boots, only in a smaller size. And your obi, as well. That's an expensive prank," she finished. "Who around here has that kind of money but you?"

"All they had to do is go through my effects from when I was younger and smaller, woman!" he shouted. "Whoever it is is going to meet my whip, I swear it on my father's grave," he snarled, almost frothing at the mouth.

Yume, the midwife, just shook her head, a wide smile on her face as she moved slowly over to pick up the Lord's boot. "No, Sesshoumaru-sama, no one is playing a prank on you. Did I not say that weight gain was a symptom of pregnancy?" The ancient woman waddled closer to the growling inu, stooping down to poke at his foot. She stood back up after a minute with a bit of difficulty and shook her head again, totally amused and not afraid to show it. "And your feet are swollen, that is why your boots won't fit you right now. It is caused by water retention – you will need to sit with your feet elevated, my Lord. It will allow the swelling to go down."

Eyes narrowing, Sesshoumaru looked at Yume and growled louder. "And for how long must I sit in such a manner, woman?" he asked, clearly displeased.

She shrugged. "Probably most of the pregnancy, off and on. Some days it might happen, some days not. It could even stay permanently until after the pup is born."

"Yume," he gritted angrily, stalking towards the elderly woman, "you failed to mention this water retention when you were listing the symptoms of pregnancy those two weeks ago. I clearly recall everything you said that day, and this particular circumstance was not mentioned. What reason did you have to withhold this information, and why should I not kill you for it now?"

She tutted at him. "Seriously, Sesshoumaru-sama! There are so many possible symptoms of pregnancy, depending on the woman's body, that we could have spent an entire year talking about everything. And since you didn't give us a year's warning, my Lord, you will just have to take what comes. Get used to odd things happening to your body until this pup is born, because it _will_ keep happening." She eyed his glowing claws and scowled. "And put those away – you won't be using me to sharpen them."

He snarled at her and Kagome, who had been listening to the whole thing raptly, jumped before intercepting her very bitchy mate. "Oh, no you don't! I need her here to deliver this baby you were so eager to have. Maybe next time you'll think before hounding me for a pup, eh?" she giggled, not phased by her mate's scowl at all.

"And how do you expect me to take care of my duties while tied to a bed, woman!" he yelled. "I cannot take a four month hiatus to be_ sort of _pregnant!"

Kagome's eyes narrowed and she put a finger to her chin as she tilted her head up and stared at the ceiling without seeing it. He made a good point, after all. He _couldn't_ take a, well, a three and a half month hiatus. After a moment, her eyes lit up and she grinned. "I'll take care of everything, Sesshoumaru! Just climb back into bed and I will have the servants bring your desk here to you. Then you can work right from here with your feet elevated, and everyone's happy!"

Yume nodded approvingly at her lady, completely ignoring Sesshoumaru's bitching and moaning. "Yes, that should work quite well. And later this afternoon, some sunshine and fresh air would be good for him – perhaps a walk in the garden with some of my specially designed slippers."

Kagome looked at her with fresh interest as Sesshoumaru's bitching toned down to a sour mutter beneath his breath. "Slippers?" she asked leadingly.

"Yes, my lady, slippers. They are specially designed for breeding females – or their mates," she said, eyeing a still angry Sesshoumaru. "Very much more comfortable than those infernal boots he always wears, I can assure you."

"I would very much appreciate two pairs of them, then, Yume-san," she chirped cheerfully, lifting her kimono just a bit to show the midwife that her feet were also a bit swollen. The midwife looked down at her feet, then back up at her with a questioning brow hiding in her bangs. "Oh... I got tired of his bitching and figured out how to siphon some of my pregnancy symptoms back where they came from. If he's this bad with things as they are now, can you imagine how bad it would be if I wasn't doing that?"

Sesshoumaru stared at his mate with wide-eyes. "You mean to tell me that you are sharing symptoms with me?" He shuddered and his eyes went cold. "From this day forward, it is a crime in the West for a male to berate his pregnant mate for any reason. And if one ever says to his female that she is exaggerating, that it cannot possibly be that bad, that one will face me in combat. This pregnancy thing is sheer needless suffering, and I cannot understand why females ever let their mates near them again after once experiencing childbearing." He looked at Kagome. "I am never touching you again when you are fertile, woman! Never!"

At that, Kagome couldn't help it and she slumped to the futon laughing, catching in Yume's amused glance that she was thinking the same thing. She had heard jokes so many times of women giving birth and swearing they'd never let their males touch them again...

How ironic that something similar was being said now – and by the male of the pair!

Somewhere high in the heavens some female kami was laughing her ass off right at this moment, she was sure of it.

She inhaled deeply to calm her laughter and then looked at her still very irritated mate and said, "I would also suggest a different style of bed. One that is off the floor like they are where I'm from, as it will be much easier on me – and you – to get out of it as things progress, Sesshoumaru."

He cocked a brow at her, interested. After all, just this morning he had hell getting up off the futon... "Off the floor?" he asked.

She nodded. "I can make a drawing and tell your engineers how to build it. And then we can put two futon mattresses atop the frame, to make it a bit more comfortable."

"Hn... I believe this new style of bed will be a good thing. You will show me this drawing when you have completed it, mate," he ordered, eyeing the futon on the floor with disfavor. "I wish to make things as easy as possible for you, of course, as the pregnancy develops and you find it harder to move," acting for all the world as though he himself would not have such difficulties and this was all for her.

Kagome rolled her eyes but simply nodded, not wanting to set him off again as the servants Yume had snagged and sent off after his desk began to straggle in with his office accoutrements and began setting them up to her directions.

She could see from the sulky frown on his face that he was going to find something to complain about in the way things were being settled for him and sighed, glad the children were not around to hear the more than likely colorful things he was going to say. "I wish I had some earplugs – or an Ipod, actually – that would be better. Then I could just tune him out..." she said to herself, wishing she could get her hands on things from her era again. "Or better yet, I wish I was deaf with a hearing aid I could turn off when he started getting snarky," she muttered, blushing when Yume heard her words and asked what a 'hearing aid' was.

Explaining rather reluctantly, the midwife began laughing when she told her how her friend's father had a hearing aid, and whenever his wife would start nagging he'd simply turn it off and ignore her until she was finished. Yume laughed 'til she had tears running down her face, but Sesshoumaru was _not_ impressed.

"Are you saying I am a nag?" he asked, his tone of voice just _screaming_ 'someone is going to die'.

Kagome chuckled as Yume said, "If the shoe, er-" she looked down at his swollen feet, "-slipper fits, my Lord..." she trailed off mischievously, before heading out the door and calling back over her shoulder, "I can't wait to see him as your pregnancy advances, Kagome-sama... can you imagine him_ waddling?"_

The Western Lady promptly dissolved in giggles as Sesshoumaru roared out his anger at the insult.

"_This Sesshoumaru will not waddle!"_ echoed through the palace.

No one dared to say anything, though there were many rather comical looks on faces as all those in the palace began visualizing just that.

_Waddling?_

There would be many stories, indeed, to tell the child once it got older, that was for certain, and some of the older servants began breaking out stories of the great Inu no Taisho – and _his_ reaction to his mate's pregnancy.

It looked as if Sesshoumaru was going to top even his father's insanity, however.

Gods forbid that Kagome-sama _ever_ get pregnant again.

~oOo~

A/N: I seriously love all of you and your reviews keep me entertained.

Amber


	4. Overactive Bladders, Unnerving Cravings

**Chapter 4: Overactive Bladders and Unnerving Cravings**

"How dare that fool insult this Sesshoumaru like that?!" came a well-known voice roaring through the family wing of the palace, and Kagome sighed even as she patted her now protruding belly. She glanced sideways at a scurrying Jaken as he hurried past and shook her head. It looked as though someone had crossed their eyes somewhere and pissed her irritable mate off - again.

Sesshoumaru had been in rare form all morning, yelling and squalling from the moment he woke up. The nausea was pretty much a thing of the past, (mostly) but the swelling, uncertain temper, and cravings were driving everyone insane.

And now some 'important' dispatch had come in and Sesshoumaru was obviously hitting the roof, as for some reason it felt as though they were experiencing an earthquake. She sighed and stood from her comfortable cushion, deciding that she'd better get to her mate quickly before he decided to murder the rest of the youkai species for some tiny infraction – like existing.

She arrived too late however, as a shaken Jaken stared out the open window of their rooms, through which she could see the backside of her gorgeous but terribly moody mate disappearing as he took to his cloud, obviously intent on killing whoever had angered him.

Figuring that she didn't have much time she grabbed Jaken and held him down while she used the other hand to read the dispatch that had so enraged her mate. And then rolled her eyes.

Jaken, who was limp in her grasp, sighed as she looked at him. "Yes, Lady Kagome. The Southern Lord has decided that his borders with the west need to be better policed due to some low youkai activity. Sesshoumaru-sama took offense, seeing it as a slight on his ability to control his borders."

"Oh, dear lord, he's gone to challenge the poor guy, hasn't he?" she groaned, and Jaken nodded. His eyes widened and his beak gaped open as she narrowed her eyes in determination. He knew that look and that it probably meant trouble. "Let's go get Ah-Uhn, Jaken – we have to stop him! And yes, I mean we – you have to take me to the Southern Lord's home, because I don't know where it's at."

Within minutes - to Jaken's chagrin - they were airborne and he was directing them towards the place that Sesshoumaru would most likely be found preparing to battle the Southern Lord. He wished to all the kami that his lord never decided to pup his mate again because the master had truly gone crazy, while his mistress was just fine.

They didn't really need to get that close to the Southern Palace to hear the yelling taking place, and sending Ah-Uhn towards the noise at breakneck speed, Kagome prepared to put a stop to whatever fight her mate was trying to pick.

Landing surprisingly gently for his speed and size, Ah-Uhn's arrival in the middle of the shouting match arrested the attention of the Southern Lord, a kitsune. A very angry kitsune – until he caught sight of Kagome, who was dismounting the dragon and hurrying over to a snarling Sesshoumaru to try to calm him.

"Ah... that's why he's gone insane, then. You are breeding," he said, looking at Kagome with annoyed understanding. "It makes sense now, though perhaps when an inuyoukai's female is breeding the males should be locked up in the dungeons so that they cannot start an arbitrary war."

Kagome, not knowing him nonetheless smiled even as Sesshoumaru growled warningly at the other male. She turned to him with a fierce glare that had her surprised mate suddenly stepping back warily.

"You! You need to go home right now and send a detachment of soldiers to the borders without further comment! He's not insulting you – but you cannot do everything yourself, and there's no reason YOU need to go deal with something that your soldiers can handle! Or why the hell do you even have them, if all they do is sit around and watch you do_ their_ jobs!?"

Sesshoumaru couldn't find anything to say to all of that, and about to agree quietly and turn around to go home stopped suddenly and glared once more at the southern Lord, who had apparently muttered something she hadn't heard.

"Stand aside, Kagome. I was about to agree to returning home, but this fool goes too far with his taunts now, and I will teach him the error of his ways." He discreetly licked his lips just then and sighed, flicking an annoyed glance at her. "_After_ I take a drink – my mouth is most dry."

Wordlessly, Kagome handed him the waterskin attached to Ah-Uhn's saddlebag and watched as the inu took a good long pull from it before tying it back off and sighing again.

"That is better. Now, kitsune, prepare to fight for your insult to this Sesshoumaru."

Kagome's brow furrowed and she looked at the other male. "What did you say that's gotten him all riled up again?"

He sighed. "I said it would be interesting to visit you when the pregnancy is almost over – I would love to see him waddling."

Eyes immediately widening she barely kept her laughter in, slapping a hand over her mouth even as Sesshoumaru drew his sword and went after the kitsune Lord. She decided to sit on Ah-Uhn so that she could step in once she figured Sesshoumaru was getting too out of hand. She figured, though, that if she let him go for now he'd wear himself out eventually and she could coax him into going home.

They hadn't been fighting ten minutes when Sesshoumaru began to visibly squirm, and after a few moments of that the Southern Lord stopped the fight and asked, "Is there a problem, Sesshoumaru?" with impatience.

Spots of red appearing high on his cheekbones the very unhappy male shot his mate a bitter glance, at which she threw up her hands and said, "Don't blame me, you're the one that so desperately wanted a pup!"

Prodded by his opponent he finally mumbled, "I need to take a break for a moment... to relieve myself," he reluctantly finished before disappearing in a flash of light with a disgruntled expression the last thing the two saw as he vanished. Both Kagome and the Lord burst out laughing.

"I am Hirono, Lady, and you are...?" he finally asked - _after_ they'd both stopped laughing.

"Oh, nice to meet you! I'm Kagome," she said with a smile, but before she could say anything else her irascible mate returned and the battle recommenced. It continued for some little time and it was clear that Hirono was not really fighting, but merely humoring Sesshoumaru – and that Sesshoumaru, pissed or not, just couldn't keep his balance right with his new-found weight and swollen feet causing him to be unable to fight with his usual swift magnificence. Not that he didn't keep trying.

Once again the inuyoukai began squirming uncomfortably, and with a sigh Hirono once again disengaged. Not saying a word Sesshoumaru disappeared again, and returned to wide grins being shared between all in the yard, including Jaken. Annoyed all over again, he once more commenced the fight.

Within minutes, however, he was obviously only barely holding it and without even properly disengaging, Sesshoumaru, with a highly annoyed snarl towards his mate once more fled into the bushes to relieve himself.

When he returned he was moving slowly, sword once more sheathed, and Kagome instantly saw that a nap was needed. Hands on hips, Kagome slid down from the dragon's back and pointed to it, eyes glued to her mate's so that he could see she meant it.

"Say goodbye, Sesshoumaru, it's time to go home and take a nap. You can come back and play some other day."

The daiyoukai, eyeing his mate's finger and no-nonsense stance, sighed and climbed aboard the dragon with no further ado. Kagome turned to Hirono, who had sheathed his sword with an amused smirk, and said, "It was nice to meet you, Hirono-sama, and I hope that if we meet again it's with a mate that's less temperamental."

Hirono nodded and smiled back at her. "It was nice to meet you, as well, Lady Kagome. May that pup come soon," he added with a pointed look at her belly, "so that Sesshoumaru doesn't attempt to take over the world while in such an unstable state. I do not believe he would be successful – he would not win too many battles having to visit the shrubbery every few minutes as he has today."

Kagome snickered at that, both ignoring Sesshoumaru's bared fangs. "Just one of the lovely symptoms of pregnancy, my Lord," she said. But before she could turn and mount the dragon Sesshoumaru growled at her.

"Hurry up, woman! I'm going to have to go again soon and if you don't get up here, I'll begin to see _your leg_ as a bush that needs watering," he threatened belligerently, suddenly sounding a great deal like his brother.

Kagome scurried up onto Ah-Uhn's back to the tune of the Southern Lord's laughter and within moments the dragon was airborne.

Jaken, who'd remained totally silent aside from some laughter through all of that, kept his eyes down so as not to draw his Lord's ire. He truly longed for the days of his Lord's calm temper and cool demeanor, and hoped that this would teach his master a lesson: Pups are bad. They are bad even when they are only an idea, let alone once they become a certainty. He could just see the palace being overrun by more pups than there already were and shuddered. _My life is going to suck, _he sighed – inwardly, of course. If he stayed quiet his Lord would not feel the need to kick him off the dragon. They were, after all, a LONG way up.

Kagome watched, truly amused as her mate dashed off as soon as Ah-Uhn landed and with a shake of her head she ordered the dragon to be let out to pasture to roam and then moved off, headed slowly for her bed. She was definitely ready for a nap, herself.

She was surprised to find her mate already in the bed and asleep when she arrived, and huffing, she cursed his speed as she took her slippers off and slid into the bed beside him. Within minutes the room was quiet except for the occasional soft snore, and the rest of the palace breathed again, knowing that at least for a little while they were safe from bad tempers and unreasonable requests for strange foods – or familiar foods in strange combinations.

~oOo~

Blinking in the late afternoon sunlight Kagome turned to look over her shoulder as she took in the clawed finger that was poking her in the back, and got caught in golden, sleep-darkened eyes.

"Call for a servant, mate – I wish to have fish flavored sweet dumplings... they sound so good for some reason," he finished with a relishing sound, even as Kagome had to hold back a sudden desire to retch.

_And here we go with the odd, or maybe disgusting, cravings again..._

"Oh... and perhaps some honey and eel... and..." he continued on speaking, not noticing whether anyone was even listening or not.

Kagome _stopped_ listening after the honey and eel – because it was her turn to seek out the bucket and toss her cookies into it after summoning the requested servant.

_Gross. Definitely gross cravings. He passed disgusting a few miles or so ago._

The summoned servant was left to cringe while taking his Lord's orders... and was pretty sure himself that he would be seeking his own bucket as soon as he'd delivered the Lord's orders to the cooks.

The poor cooks that would not only have to _see_ those dishes, but _smell_ them.

That pup needed to hurry and be born, already!


	5. Waddling 101

**Chapter 5: Waddling 101**

Kagome sighed, stroking her hands over her protruding belly wearily.

She was in her final month, and glad for it – Sesshoumaru was unbearable. She hoped he never wanted another pup, because neither she nor all of Nihon would ever survive another attempt. He had two pups of his own blood now with this one, and that was just going to have to be enough.

She shifted on her pillow, her body heavy and unwieldy now, and thought about how glad she would be when this child was born, herself. However, she was very leery of the coming labor – after what Yume had told her of a male inuyoukai's behavior during said labor.

Apparently he was going to make everything worse when the labor began, because he would also feel the labor pains. Normally she wouldn't worry. Sesshoumaru usually had great control and rarely showed any kind of pain to the outside world. But labor was something that males had not been built to withstand, and was a great deal worse than a wound sustained during battle.

She sighed glumly again as she thought about that. _That's going to be very aggravating, listening to him squawk and whine and more than likely pace while I'm trying to bring this child into the world. It's a wonder that __any__ inu are born with all this hassle. I almost wish things were just normal - I'd be the one suffering through the pregnancy, and he could sit by with his superior manner and ignore it all. _

No... a sort of pregnant and definitely crazy Sesshoumaru was really more than _any_ woman should be forced to endure. She huffed. _He's already crazy, and labor will probably push him over the edge into insanity. Knowing him, he'd fall off that edge and never come back, either._

She had to admit, though, that there had definitely been some very funny moments with crazy Sesshoumaru, and she didn't think she'd ever forget any of this pregnancy.

Her quiet reverie was broken in the now usual manner as Sesshoumaru began bellowing at someone, and with a roll of her eyes she carefully hoisted her pregnant self up and began the trek to his study to put a stop to whatever insane thing her mate was about to do now.

Her brows rose in question when she encountered a laughing Shippo and a confused and curious looking Rin, who were both being escorted in a very quick way by the children's nurse _away_ from the irate shouting of the Lord of the place.

Motioning the nurse to stop she looked down at the two and asked, "What's so funny?"

The nursemaid, who was now also looking like she was trying very hard to keep from laughing, said, "Go on, Rin-chan, ask Kagome-sama what you asked Sesshoumaru-sama," encouragingly, and without further ado, Rin looked at Kagome and nodded, that confused look still on her little face.

"I asked Sesshoumaru-sama who had taught him how to walk like the ducks in the garden," she said, her tone of voice completely devoid of humor. It was clear that she didn't understand what was so funny. "I wanted to know so I could learn, too. But then Sesshoumaru-sama started yelling and Shippo-chan was laughing, and I don't know why. What's so funny about walking like a duck?"

Kagome's eyes had gotten bigger and bigger as Rin had spoken, and she'd had to clap a hand over her mouth to stop from dissolving in giggles right behind Shippo and the nursemaid, who was holding an oblivious Arata in her arms.

"Oh, oh, oh," Kagome got out, tears beginning to fall from laughing so hard – which was definitely not a good thing at this point, because the pup she was carrying was sitting right on her bladder and seemed to think that organ was a trampoline, making it very hard to control herself. "Oh, Rin, honey, it's called waddling, and Sesshoumaru is not a duck. His male pride has been offended."

Rin's eyes widened after a moment in seeming understanding as the hallway once again filled with laughter. "Oh, I understand. It is because Sesshoumaru-sama has gone crazy. Yume-san explained it. Jaken-sama says this is yet another reason why pups are bad," she added sagely, nodding to herself.

Another loud bellow shook the air, and Kagome sighed and straightened from where she'd leaned against the wall and took a deep breath, wiping her face of the tears her eyes were still trying to leak. She nodded at the nurse. "Well, now that I know what has set his majesty off this time, you had best take the children elsewhere. We wouldn't want them affected by his insanity." She looked down at Rin when the girl tugged on her hand. "Yes, Rin?"

"But Kagome-sama, I still want to learn to walk like a duck. I think w-w-waddling," she stammered out, "looks like fun!"

A few more giggles broke from Kagome's throat and she patted Rin on the head. Clearing her throat, she said, "Someday, honey, you'll know how to waddle, too... don't worry. Why don't you practice on the way to the gardens?"

"Oh, okay, Kagome-sama," she sighed, following the nurse down the hall as she tried to copy what she'd seen Sesshoumaru doing. She frowned. It was harder than it looked... "Sesshoumaru-sama is special," she said after a moment. "He can do everything perfect, even w-waddling."

Shippo popped into his balloon form and continued laughing as they disappeared down the corridor, leaving Kagome to try to dry her eyes yet again and continue down the hall towards the sound of a temperamental inuyoukai snarling at everyone for the slightest of transgressions – like daring to exist.

She rolled her eyes and made her way through the crowd of servants all of a sudden trying to flee in the opposite direction and into a red-eyed Sesshoumaru's presence. With a sigh she slid the door closed and set about trying to once more smooth ruffled feathers.

Pun intended.

~oOo~

Later that afternoon, just as Kagome was finally relaxing another explosion rocked the palace, this one sounding much worse and she growled, suddenly getting very irritated. Once more she hauled her uncomfortable and heavy body towards his study, growing more irritable as she got closer and his voice got louder.

Reaching the door she slammed through it, sliding it so hard it clacked loudly enough to gain his attention, and glared at him.

He glared back at her through seething eyes.

"What is the problem now?" she gritted out. "Did someone bow wrong to you or something?"

Practically frothing at the mouth, her mate stormed – cough, cough – waddled – from behind his desk holding what looked like a message scroll, and practically shoved it in her face.

"It is the last straw!" he roared, one finger pointing to what was offending his dignity so badly. "That damned kitsune has signed his death warrant! Send for my Generals, Kagome, for we are going to war with the South. I will not tolerate his continued disrespect!"

Kagome blinked at him, then looked down to what her mate was pointing at... and promptly slid to the floor, laughing so hard that she couldn't even breathe.

"_To Sesshoumaru-sama, the great Nogamo-youkai* of the West..."_

Yume, having heard the contretemps even all the way in the healer's rooms slid the door open further, looked at Kagome laughing helplessly, then up at a Sesshoumaru that was now breathing fire and met his gaze critically. She turned to the wide-eyed servant behind her.

"It's time to prepare the special room for our illustrious leader, here. We can't have crazed inuyoukai waddling amuck and accidentally on purpose destroying all the breakable things around – you know, like the palace, the Western Lands... all of Nihon. Things like that."

"Th-there's a _room?!_" Kagome managed to gasp out, ignoring her now hyperventilating mate's threats completely.

"Oh, yes. Once I saw how things were progressing with Lord Nogamo here-" she rolled her eyes at the snapping jaws of the palace's master as he attempted to waddle closer to her and bite her arm off, "-I had a special room prepared for him. We were forced to do the same for his father," she sighed. "It was the waddling that did him in, too. Now you can see for yourself why there aren't many inuyoukai."

Tears running down her face and arms wrapped around her middle, Kagome bent as close to double as a heavily pregnant woman could with laughter, unable to say anything as Yume smacked two fingers across Sesshoumaru's nose when he got close and tried to claw her.

"Behave yourself, Sesshoumaru-sama," she scolded, returning his glare. When he snarled warningly at her, she glared harder. "I'm not frightened, so you may as well desist. I delivered you when you were born, and I'm the one that smacked your ass as you squalled as loud as any child I've ever heard. Now stop acting like a spoiled two hundred year old who's throwing a temper tantrum because he was told he couldn't go into the garden and dig it up."

Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed into thin slits of displeasure. "You had the nerve to strike this one?" he growled, his attention arrested from her other 'transgressions' at word of that one.

The elderly healer chuckled. "Oh, aye – right on your fair little ass," she chortled. "All babies-"

The angry daiyoukai cut her off. "The first person to raise a hand to my pup at birth will die," he snarled dangerously, scowling with temper.

"Oh, Sesshoumaru, do shut-up," Kagome gasped, beginning to finally get a handle on her laughter at her mate's display of temper and threats. "_All_ babies are smacked in the rear at birth – it makes them inhale and then cry, and that clears their throats of any fluids left over in them from birth so they don't choke and die."

Eyes narrowing even more as he looked at her suspiciously while he evaluated her words, Sesshoumaru grunted snidely once he realized she was speaking nothing but the truth. "Then it should be the prerogative of the pup's father to do such a thing. Especially to _my_ pup – no one else will ever raise a hand to her save you or I, or their lives are forfeit immediately."

Rolling her own eyes as she slowly hauled herself to her feet with a grinning Yume's assistance, she curled her lip at her mate, who was looking like he'd like to eat the palace's main healer and midwife for her continuing amusement – and lack of fear – towards him.

She sighed, tired out just from getting to her feet - for the third time that day – because of her mate's continuing histrionics. "Suffering through my pregnancy symptoms alone would have been a cakewalk compared to this."

Smiling cheerfully, Yume said, "Funny thing, that. Every single female mated to an inu that I've ever attended as midwife said the same thing. I'll never forget what his-" she jerked her head toward Sesshoumaru, "-mother did to his father during her own confinement. Lord Touga was quite as insane as his son here, and I suppose Satori-sama had finally just had enough. She was in hard labor at the time and bearing up like a warrior – and Touga-sama was yelling and growling and threatening me and everyone in Nihon with death while whining like a little pup with every contraction."

Kagome stared at her breathlessly as she waited for the rest of the story, ignoring a now petulantly pouting Sesshoumaru. "And...?" she asked leadingly, leaning forward with anticipation.

"She speared her claws through his gut and then when he stared at her wide-eyed with shock, told him that now he had a reason to whine and bitch – but that he could go do it somewhere else. And then she had him thrown from the room and put a barrier around it. That's one of her specialties," she said in an aside to a curious Kagome. "Her barrier magic is so strong that even Touga-sama couldn't break through them. She even used them while pregnant – it was the only way she could get a little peace. Speaking of which, my Lord," she addressed a still fuming Sesshoumaru, "you need to stop acting so belligerently – you are stressing your Lady mate and that could send her into labor early."

"I am not stressing her, it is all the fools out there that are stressing me, thereby stressing her," he announced haughtily. "If I was not surrounded by fools all would be well."

Kagome just snorted at that, because that was definitely a Sesshoumaru thing to say – sort of pregnant or not. "I think we're going to have to use that 'special room' when I go into labor, because I'm not dealing with a whiny Sesshoumaru. There's only so much a woman should be expected to take, you know, and that's definitely way, way too much."

Yume looked thoughtful as the daiyoukai growled at his mate. "Well, I hadn't actually thought about putting him in there while you are in labor," she replied, "but... we might have to. Although I'd rather that as a last resort, you understand – while inuyoukai males might be crazed during the labor, they are dangerous if separated from their mates. We will have to see."

Something occurred to Kagome, then. "Ano, Yume," she said slowly, "how long after the birth will it take him to return to normal?"

The midwife and healer waved a hand in the air. "Almost immediately, why?"

"Because we might just need to put him in the room _after_ this child is born."

Blinking, looking intrigued, she asked, "Why?" again.

"Can you imagine how embarrassed he's going to be after this is over and he returns to normal? He might just decide to kill everyone in the palace so no one can ever spread the tale," she returned.

Both females turned to eye Sesshoumaru warily.

A manic grin washed across his face as he deliberately snapped his fangs at them.

"Only _might_?" he asked.

Kagome sighed. "Probably every woman has wished that their husbands – or mates, as the case may be – could feel what it's like to be pregnant. They have no idea of the hell they're asking for. There really are some things that should never be crossed – and Sesshoumaru and pregnancy are two of those things."

Yume just laughed. "Oh, I don't know, Kagome-sama. I kind of think this has been a hilarious few months. I wouldn't want to have missed this for _anything_."

"I think I'd rather have a root canal," Kagome mumbled sourly. Sesshoumaru opened his mouth to say something, but she gave him a dangerous look. "Don't say a word. Not one word, or I'll zap you."

Sesshoumaru went back to sulking and imagining all the goriest ways to kill a mouthy healer as Yume left the room once more laughing at him, and his mate sighed mournfully yet again as she shook her head.

"I wish you never knew what it was like to be pregnant." Her eyes brightened for a moment. "Although watching you waddle around _has_ been funny."

The palace shook yet again with Sesshoumaru's bellowing.

~oOo~

A/N: ~shrugs~ Crazy, isn't it?

Amber

*Nogamo-wild duck


End file.
